For most people, their associations to the word "anger" are negative: out of control; bad; crazy; ugly; violent.

But the actual definition is this: Anger is a strong emotion one has toward something that offends, opposes or annoys.

When you are the person who is angry it is not your job to lash out at everyone. That approach might initially feel good. But it is something that leads to the absolute destruction of relationships.

It is your job to calm yourself down and control yourself so that you can express your feelings appropriately, in words. It is not easy to do. That's why you have to tell the other person that you need a Time Out and will return to resolve things when you are calm. You can learn how to do this.

Know that, with anger, there's almost always a strong emotion underlying it -- fear or hurt.

If family members tell you that your anger scares them, believe it. If you want to learn to deal with your anger, and possibly even resolve it so that you don't have to feel this way, consider counseling. It works.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

-- BUDDHA

"It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses."

-- WILLIAM ARTHUR WARD